A Brooks Cyclist Doesn’t Ever Feel Grumpy?

9 May 2011  |  Posted by GARETH  |  Categories: Events

Even for somebody like Brooks Poet in Residence Ken Wolfe, an A to Z poem can (nearly) take as much time and skill to put together as a Limited Edition green B17 with copper rails and hand-hammered rivets. So a colossal thank you goes out herewith to everyone who has sent in an entry for our 2011 A to Z Brainathon thus far.

It seems one of the main challenges of this month’s competition has been not to trail off into the realm of the hallucinatory in the final stretch. Charming as the image of “xenophobic, yawning zucchinis” is, we were at pains to understand what Don Hatcher was actually getting at. (And he had used too many proper nouns anyway.)

And who’d have guessed how popular the Brooks Blog is with Classics scholars? Xerxes, Xenophon and Xanthippe are all conspicuous, but the modern world of photocopying machines, medical diagnostic equipment and mood enhancing pharmaceuticals is also very well represented.

Andy Smithson nearly got us hot and bothered with his combined nod to a Brooks saddle’s durability and some rather tasteful, even compelling erotica.

Algie’s Brooks, caressed daily, earlier Grandpa’s hairy inside jodphur leg must nocturnally often polish quiet rapid strokes turning under Violet’s widely yawning zip.

When we had stopped panting, we then regretfully noticed he had left out “k” and  “s”. By the time he had changed it with a rewrite, the moment had passed…

Dan Taylor brashly mixed cryptic aphorism with bizarre decree.

A builder can deliver exceptional fois gras.
Hirsute irregular jowls know lethargic men.
Numerous orthopedic perches quarrell.
Raw saddles transform universally.
Venerate weasels.
Xerox your zeal.

He’s not the only entrant keen on the notion of xeroxing one’s zeal. How are we to interpret this command? Continually remind yourself of the stuff that moves you? Be repetitious in conversations about the signifance of your gear ratio? Though of course it’s possible our slang dictionary isn’t completely up to date, and that maybe Dan et al are suggesting we all drunkenly make photocopies of our “zeals”. Naughty naughty!


Advertisement for new Brooks zealcopier

Graham White from Dublin pitched in with something special

Aerodynamic bottom cushions,
Durable, ever-firm.
Gusset Health Is Jeopardised?
Keep Learning Man!
Never Offer Problematic Quilted Rump Saddles; Tanned Undercarriage Vessels Work!”,
Xerxes yelled zealously.

Spoken like a true Dealer of Excellence (in the making). Xerxes, by the way, is Graham’s apprentice mechanic.

Haiku and Limerick veteran Joss “Zoocytium” Benyon surely has to get a medal this time around…

Another Brooks Competition, Disappointingly Elitist, Favouring Generally High Intelligence.
Jaded Karma.
Like My Nice Opposing Prose?
Quietly Resenting, Stupidly Typing Unreadable Verse With Xerophthalmia.

Yours,

Zoocytium.

While Judge Morton deserves the 2011 Nobel Prize for Shoe-Horning,

Astride Brooks, comfort does emancipate. Fetterless go happily independent joyriders. King Leather makes numbness’ occurrence past-tense. “Quite resplendent” say tushies unanimously. “Virtual wheeled Xanax!” yells Zuzu.

“Past-tense” is sadly two words. It seems crazy to let all that good work go to waste, but we’re at a loss for any quick fix, so we respectfully direct Judge back to his dictionary with another bottle of absinthe.

Cary de Berry has shown exceptional and admirable stamina, thus far giving us a few compositions. They’re all more than pretty good.

A Brooks can defend even frightened glutes (hiding in just knickered leggings). Monogrammed name on proud, quality ridden saddles. Tightened underneath. Verifiably, weathered xenagogue, yet…zen.

Or how about this one? The discovery in our Comments Section of “junipered knolls” saw the Brooks Literary Panel exchange a very special, meaningful, reverent, tear-blinking moment of hushed wonder at Cary’s facility for putting alphabetically consecutive words beside each other.

A Brooks can do everything, from –
Grandiose heights in junipered knolls,
Lasting mounts (numerously on Pashleys),
Quenching racing’s superlatives –
To undressing vixens, wantonly xeroxing yesterday’s zeal!

Yes, quite. With another zeal xeroxed, we invite readers to continue sending in their entries. Before Friday we’ll have another round up, after which we’ll take our favourite five to the Brooks Facebook page, and see which one gets the highest number of likes.

No prizes, incidentally, for guessing the most popular “B” word.

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2 Comments

  1. David Epstein 
    Posted 3:29 pm
    10 May 2011

    A Brooks can define everyone’s future. Great hopes in judicious katharsis let many newly opulent politicians quietly return stashes, to uphold values, while xenophobes yammer, “Zulus!”

  2. Judge Morton 
    Posted 8:33 pm
    11 May 2011

    All right, if you’re going to be nit-picky;

    Astride Brooks, comfort does emancipate. Fetterless go happily independent joyriders. King Leather magnificently nuzzles operators’ posteriors. “Quite resplendent” say tushies unanimously. “Virtual wheeled Xanax!” yells Zuzu.